Separation Anxiety · Ages 5 and up
Clinging at drop-off isn't misbehavior. It's fear asking for help.
Some worry at goodbyes is a normal part of growing up. When the distress is intense, lasts for weeks, and starts shaping what your child, or your family, can do, it's worth addressing, and it responds well to treatment.
What it looks like
What separation anxiety can look like
Beyond ordinary clinginess, separation anxiety often shows up as some mix of the following.
- Intense distress at school drop-off or everyday goodbyes
- Following a parent from room to room at home
- Stomachaches or headaches on school mornings
- Refusing school, sleepovers, or activities they used to enjoy
- Persistent worry that something bad will happen to a parent
- Trouble falling asleep alone or staying in their own bed
Gradual, proven steps that help kids feel safe on their own
Our clinicians use gentle, evidence-based approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy and gradual practice with separations, so your child builds real confidence one manageable step at a time rather than being pushed past what they can handle.
Parents are part of the plan from day one. How goodbyes happen, and what happens after, matters enormously, so we coach you on responses that reassure without accidentally feeding the fear.
For younger children, this work is often woven into play therapy, where big feelings are easier to reach. When worry shows up well beyond goodbyes, anxiety treatment may be the better fit.
Our approach
How separation anxiety treatment works at LodeStone
A whole-picture, family-centered path, not a one-size-fits-all plan.
Understand the whole picture
We look at what's underneath the fear, since separation worries often travel with broader anxiety, big life changes, or temperament.
Build confidence gradually
Small, planned practice with separations, paced to your child, so each success makes the next step feel possible.
Coach parents and caregivers
You'll get concrete scripts and routines for goodbyes, school mornings, and bedtime, because your responses are half the treatment.
Not sure where to start? Get answers and we will match your family with the right clinician.
We provide this care in person at our Hinsdale and Woodstock offices, and by telehealth across Illinois. We are in-network with BCBS PPO, Blue Choice, Aetna, Medicare, and United Behavioral Health, and we verify your benefits before your first visit.
A closer look
Understanding separation anxiety, and how kids get free of it
Worry at goodbyes is a normal chapter of early childhood; in toddlers it's actually a sign of healthy attachment. It becomes separation anxiety disorder when the distress is intense, out of step with a child's age, persistent for a month or more, and starts dictating family life: school mornings in tears, a parent trailed from room to room, bedtime negotiations that never end.
The reassurance trap
Here is the hard, blameless truth about separation anxiety: the things that soothe it in the moment feed it over time. Staying longer at drop-off, endless check-in texts, letting them skip the sleepover, each brings real relief and quietly confirms that separation was dangerous. Every loving parent gets pulled into this loop, because comforting your child is the job. Treatment doesn't undo your instincts; it redirects them.
What gradual practice looks like
The work is a ladder of manageable separations, built with your child, not imposed on them: a shorter goodbye ritual that's warm but brief, minutes alone stretching into playdates and school mornings, brave behavior noticed and praised. Each success is evidence their fear can't argue with. Most children climb faster than their parents expect, once the loop is running the other way.
Your first steps
What to expect when you start
You've probably already tried everything the internet suggested. Here's what working with a clinician adds.
Before your first visit
Start with the get-answers form or a phone call. Describe the goodbyes, the school mornings, the bedtimes; we'll match your family with the right clinician and verify your insurance benefits before the first visit.
The first sessions
Your clinician gets to know your child, often through play, where fears surface naturally, and maps what the worry is protecting against. Parents are in the plan from day one, because goodbyes are a two-person event.
Scripts, ladders, and wins
You'll get concrete goodbye rituals and morning routines; your child gets a ladder of brave steps paced to them. Progress shows up where you need it: at the classroom door, at bedtime, at drop-off.
Good to know
Separation anxiety: frequently asked questions
How do I know it's a disorder and not normal clinginess?+
Age and interference are the guides. Wailing at daycare drop-off at eighteen months is development; the same distress at eight years old, lasting a month or more and bending family life around it, missed school, a parent who can't leave the house, is separation anxiety worth treating. If you're unsure, an assessment settles it quickly.
Is separation anxiety behind my child's school refusal?+
It's one of the most common drivers, especially in younger kids, though not the only one. We sort out what's fueling the refusal, then build a graduated return plan, and with your permission we coordinate with the school so drop-offs and the plan hold steady on both ends.
Should I just let them stay home when it gets bad?+
It's the most natural response and the one that costs the most later: each avoided day makes the next return steeper. The alternative isn't forcing white-knuckle separations; it's a gentler middle path of planned, growing steps your child can actually manage, with warmth on both ends of every goodbye.
How involved are parents in treatment?+
Deeply; your responses are half the treatment. You'll get specific scripts for goodbyes, mornings, and bedtime, and coaching on how to reassure without accidentally feeding the fear. Parents usually find this the most immediately useful part.
Will my insurance cover treatment?+
We are in-network with BCBS PPO, Blue Choice, Aetna, Medicare, and United Behavioral Health, and we verify your benefits before your first visit so you know exactly what to expect.
Can this be done by telehealth?+
The parent-coaching side works very well by video. For young children, in-person or play-based sessions are often more effective, and many families blend the two. We offer telehealth across Illinois and in-person care in Hinsdale and Woodstock, and we'll recommend honestly.